Disavowed (NYPD Blue & Gold) Read online

“What the hell happened to him? He was the NYPD’s golden boy.”

  Though he hadn’t hurt his knee at all, he faked a limp all the way to Gray’s car. His elbow was starting to pound from where he’d whacked it on the windshield. Physical pain he could take. It was hearing his colleagues talking smack about him behind his back that hurt more than anything. It was worse than a knife through his heart. Not that he could blame them, as that, too, was part of the plan. If his downward spiral wasn’t believable and common knowledge to the department, it sure as hell wouldn’t be to the Pyramid.

  “Fuck,” he muttered when they were out of earshot.

  “You really okay?” Gray shot him a concerned look as they headed to Gray’s department sedan.

  “Yeah.” No. He leaned on his friend’s forearm as he dropped heavily into the passenger seat of the sedan.

  Gray shut the door, then came around and got into the driver’s seat. “You don’t have to do this.”

  “Dammit, Gray. For the last time, will ya let it go? This is the only way to get inside the Pyramid, and you know it.” He punched the door panel. He knew his partner wasn’t happy about what was going down. Hell, he wasn’t happy about it, either. But it was necessary. “Let’s get outta here. I need a Coke.”

  “A Coke?” Gray’s tone was disbelieving. “You don’t drink soda.”

  “I do now.”

  Dom watched Gray push open the door to the little bodega they often stopped at for coffee. A few minutes later, he returned with a bottle of Coke in his hand. Back in the sedan, he handed it to Dom.

  “Thanks.” He twisted off the metal cap, pocketed the cap, then held the icy cold bottle against his bruised jaw. He turned to see Gray frowning.

  “What you’re doing is too fucking dangerous.” Gray eased the car into traffic and then headed toward Dom’s apartment on the other side of the Brooklyn Bridge. “You’ll be in way too deep, and you’ll be there alone. No backup.”

  “I accepted the terms of this assignment.” As penance. For what happened in Afghanistan. If what he suspected was true, he was indirectly to blame for the Pyramid’s entire existence.

  My mistake. My mess to clean up.

  “Gray…” He hesitated. “No matter how this goes down, I’ll have no regrets.”

  Regrets.

  For some unknown reason, the image of Daisy Fowler’s beautiful face flickered to life and then vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Six months had passed since he’d last seen her—a year since they’d slept together—and he didn’t understand why he’d thought of her just then.

  Yeah you do. You could have had something good, and you royally fucked it up.

  When Gray stopped at the door to Dom’s building, Dom shrugged off the memory and unbuckled his seat belt. He stuck out his hand to the man who was not only his partner but the best friend a guy could ever have.

  As Gray clasped his hand, their gazes met and held. In the ensuing silence, he felt the true depths of over a decade of friendship. When they released hands, he got out of the car and shut the door. As Gray drove off, he stood motionless, watching the sedan get smaller and smaller until the vehicle turned a corner and disappeared.

  Though he’d see his partner again two days from now at Gray’s wedding, things would never be the same. Ironically enough, he’d undoubtedly run into Daisy. She and Gray’s fiancée were best friends. After what he’d done to her, Daisy might very well slap him. Again.

  Dom grinned at the memory of how she’d slapped him when he’d made a courtesy call to notify her Alex had nearly been killed by the Pyramid and was in the hospital. He’d deserved it.

  And then some.

  Risking a woman’s wrath was something he accepted, a conscious decision made long ago to avoid getting close. He’d been perfecting it to an art form since that dark moment when he’d loved someone, then lost her. He’d learned that leaving a woman’s bed in the middle of the night while she was sleeping was the easiest way to avoid entanglements. And it had worked.

  On the off chance they were tailing him already, Dom faked a limp all the way up the stairs to his building. Best-case scenario, this was his last day as an NYPD officer for a very long time. Worst-case scenario…

  …he wouldn’t survive this assignment.

  Chapter Two

  Daisy tucked the last bud of pure white baby’s breath into Alex’s hair, then stood back to assess her handiwork. Everything had to be perfect for her best friend’s wedding.

  Alexandra Romano, soon to be Alexandra Yates, was the most beautiful woman Daisy had ever seen. With blond hair, blue eyes, and a slim, graceful figure, she looked just like a modern-day Grace Kelly. The classic up-do that had taken over an hour to create framed her friend’s lovely face with cascading blond ringlets. She really did look like a Scandinavian princess, as her fiancé, Gray, liked to say.

  I could only look this good in my dreams.

  “My work here is done.” A lump formed in the back of her throat as her eyes met Alex’s smiling blue ones. “You look stunning.” She swiped at the unexpected tear rolling down her face.

  “Don’t you dare cry on me.” Alex blinked rapidly. “It will only make me cry, and then you’ll have to do my makeup all over again.”

  Alex reached for Daisy, and the two women hugged each other tightly, sniffling the entire time. Daisy took a deep breath, then stepped away before she really did smudge Alex’s makeup or muss up her hair.

  “The gown is amazing.” She leaned down to smooth out the long, flowing skirt. “You look better than Barbie did when she married Ken.”

  As Alex laughed, Daisy reexamined the ivory Oleg Cassini wedding gown with the same critical eye she’d give any arrangement before it walked out the door of her Manhattan flower shop.

  The dress was a classic silk A-line with richly textured, hand-beaded, corded lace appliqués on the bodice. Slim straps set off Alex’s delicate shoulders, and a sweetheart neckline dipped down just enough to expose a tasteful amount of cleavage.

  “The way that dress hugs your body, it’s a good thing Gray won’t see it before the wedding.” She bobbed her eyebrows. “Or you guys might not make it to the altar.”

  Alex gasped as she smacked Daisy’s shoulder. “It’s not that low cut.” Her eyes widened. “Is it?”

  “Relax.” Daisy laughed. “It’s the perfect blend of beautiful, sweet, and sexy. I only meant that when he sees you walking down the aisle his man-brain will be torn between how elegant and exquisite you look and how much he wants to tear that dress off you so the honeymoon can get rolling.”

  “You’re sure?” A slight wrinkle marred Alex’s forehead.

  “Positive.” She grabbed one more bud of baby’s breath and tucked it into Alex’s hair. When it came to all things floral, Daisy was a perfectionist.

  A loud pop came from the other room, followed by giggling.

  Alex nodded to the open doorway that led to the chapel’s other ready room. “Sounds like Cassie, Moira, and Emily cracked into the champagne already.”

  Daisy was grateful that everyone in Alex’s bridal party was such a gem. It had made her job as maid of honor that much easier. Alex’s sister-in-law-to-be, Cassie Flannery, was a woman after her own heart—full of energy and oozing warm friendship. Hopewell Springs’ Police Chief Michael Flannery’s sister, Moira, was now Daisy’s new foodie bestie, and even Alex’s twenty-something designer assistant, Emily, was fun to have around, although the girl was constantly on the make.

  “You want me to get us a couple glasses?” She turned to head for the door. Though it was only ten in the morning, she could use a little liquid courage. In less than an hour, she’d have to face him again—Detective Dominick Carew. He’d been oddly absent last night at the rehearsal dinner so today would mark the first time she’d seen him in six months, and only the second time since they’d slept together a year ago.

  Her insides were already clenching with an odd combination of anger, anxiety, and butterflies. The anger she totally
understood. It was the other two unexpected emotions that had her stumped.

  “Stay here with me.” Alex grabbed Daisy’s hand. “Moira and Cassie will bring us champagne soon enough. I asked them to give us some time alone.”

  “Are you okay?” She squeezed her friend’s hand.

  “Never better.” Alex sighed and got that dreamy, faraway look that told her she was thinking of Gray.

  I wonder if I’ll ever feel that way about someone.

  She choked down a tiny sob, covering it up by pretending to clear her throat with a tight cough.

  More giggling from the adjacent room seemed to shake Alex from her dreamy reverie. “So where was I?”

  “Never better,” Daisy prompted. She really was happy for Alex. If she could find even half the love and joy that her friend had with Gray, she would be beyond thrilled. If only Dom could have been more like Gray. Loving. Honorable. Loyal.

  Not a chance with that guy. I sure can pick ’em.

  “I have my something old from Gray’s mother.” Alex touched her fingers to the vintage hair clip studded with white cloisonné flowers and clear rhinestones that Daisy had artfully used to pin up Alex’s hair. “My something new.” Her graceful fingers skimmed the pearl and diamond necklace twinkling at her throat and the matching earrings. A gift from her fiancé. “My something borrowed,” she continued, holding up her wrist to which Daisy had clipped an exquisite antique diamond tennis bracelet intermingled with tiny pearls.

  The bracelet had been Daisy’s mother’s, one of many expensive pieces her father had given her mother before they’d both died in a train derailment when she was eleven. Daisy loved the bracelet but hardly ever wore it, preferring larger more colorful statement pieces that seemed more appropriate for her size—five foot nine and busty.

  “And lastly, my something blue.” Alex held up her other wrist, showing off the silver and blue charm bracelet that Alex’s eight-year-old son, Nicky, had given her.

  “You’re all set. Tradition has been dutifully complied with.” And now I could really use that drink. Again, she turned to fetch them both a glass of champagne.

  “Not so fast.” Alex grabbed Daisy’s arm. “I know it’s going to be hard on you today. Seeing Dom again after all this time.”

  “No it won’t. I’m fine. Really.” Not. No matter how hard she tried, it was impossible to forget how badly he’d hurt her. Or how horrible it had been to wake alone in a cold bed and discover that he hadn’t even left her a note.

  Noticing the concern in her friend’s eyes, she took a deep breath and smiled. “Please don’t worry about me. This is your day, and you deserve everything wonderful that’s coming to you.” A major understatement.

  If it hadn’t been for Gray’s incredible bravery, Alex and her son wouldn’t be alive. Gray had saved Alex from being burned alive by a Pyramid assassin, then gotten shot in the process of saving Nicky from Alex’s ex-husband. If Gray hadn’t gotten Nicky to a doctor in time, the little guy would have died of the rare illness he suffered from. Thank God Gray had found them both. Daisy didn’t know what she would have done if she’d lost either of them.

  “Thank you.” Alex gave her a sympathetic look that she knew was meant to make her feel better, but unintentionally made her feel pathetic. “You deserve the kind of happiness I found with Gray, and one day you’ll have it.”

  I doubt it. Daisy began to shake her head.

  “Yes, you will.” Alex took both of Daisy’s hands in hers. “I love you, and I’m here for you. My marriage won’t interfere in our friendship.”

  “Well, maybe during the honeymoon it will.” She laughed to cover her emotions. She fervently hoped Alex and Nicky would continue to be a part of her life. Being alone was something she wasn’t looking forward to. She’d been alone since her parents had been killed and her grandparents had dumped her with a foster family.

  Smiling, Alex turned to pick up a small, green velvet jewelry box from an adjacent table and handed it to Daisy. “This is for you from me. A small token of our friendship, our love, and yours.”

  “My what?” She eyed the box speculatively.

  Alex rolled her eyes. “Just open it.”

  She flicked open the lid, and her eyes immediately began to fill. Resting on the dark green velvet was a gold locket on a fine chain. She opened the locket. On one side was a tiny photo of herself, Alex, and Nicky. The other side of the locket was empty.

  “The empty side is for that special someone.” Alex took the box from her hand, extracted the locket, then came behind her and linked it around her neck. “He’s coming for you. I know it. I feel it.”

  She turned to see Alex’s eyes shimmering and pulled her into a fierce hug. For the briefest of moments, she dared to believe there really was hope. Her friend’s optimism was so contagious it was impossible not to. A second later that tiny sliver of hope died an abrupt death.

  I can’t put myself out there again.

  She’d done that once in her life, and look where that had gotten her. She’d fallen prey to the oldest male trick in the book. What she’d thought was incredible chemistry—something truly special—had been nothing more than an illusion, and she’d wound up feeling used and like a total slut for sleeping with Dom after knowing him for only a few hours.

  Even though they’d run into each other twice in the last year, they hadn’t spoken a word about what had happened either time. And she hadn’t slept with any man since. She couldn’t. The experience had totally shattered what little self-confidence she’d had, and now she felt as if she were starting at ground zero all over again.

  She didn’t know exactly where her lack of confidence and self-esteem came from. Yes, I do. It came from what her grandparents and the rest of the Van Rensler clan had done to her. And as a result, she’d learned to put on a happy, smiling façade and get what she needed from people without having to emotionally invest.

  Never again. Ever.

  Unwilling to spoil Alex’s moment, she abruptly ended their hug. “I think I’ll get that champagne now.”

  As they broke apart, she couldn’t bear to look at her friend’s face. She knew what she’d see. Sympathy. Alex knew everything, including what had happened between her and Dom. Alex had later tried to convince her that Dom wasn’t such a rat bastard, but Daisy knew better. Dominick Carew had suckered her in, made her feel like they had a connection that only came around once in a lifetime, then left her bed in the middle of the night without so much as a gee, you were great in the sack, babe.

  Inside the little chamber adjacent to the bride’s ready room, Cassie, Moira, and Emily were busy clinking glasses and sipping champagne.

  “Is she all set?” Cassie asked, looking radiant in the long, pink silk bridesmaid dress Alex had chosen for all of them.

  Considering that five months ago Cassie had given birth to an eight-pound seven-ounce baby boy, she already looked svelte and fabulous again. Daisy had been looking forward to meeting the little tyke, but Cassie and Mike had dropped him off with Mike’s parents for the weekend.

  “All set and ready for champagne.” Daisy plastered on a beaming smile that she so didn’t feel. She watched the other women grab their glasses and hustle next door to be with Alex.

  She remained behind to examine herself in the full-length mirror, wishing she were slim like Alex, or lithe and athletic like Cassie, not tall and with more curves than she cared for. Not that she was fat. Hardly. Three Body Combat workouts a week, jam-packed with aerobic punches, kicks, and strikes kept her weight in check, but she’d never have that elegant style or delicate grace she envied. Alex had it. It was in everything her friend said and everything she did.

  Her best friend was not only inordinately beautiful but innately kind, backed by an inner core of steel. That, at least, was one thing they had in common. Like Alex, she wasn’t the kind of woman to be shoved aside or walked on. Except for that one time when she’d let down her guard and gotten her heart stomped on by a pair of size twelve polic
e-issued shit-kickers.

  More like mashed into the ground.

  Turning to the side in front of the mirror, she craned her neck to look at the back of her dress. It was similar to the other bridesmaids’ dresses, but instead of a sweetheart neckline hers had a V-neckline and crisscrossing back straps to accommodate her well-endowed bust. As bridesmaid dresses went, this one was quite flattering. And she had to admit she didn’t look half bad.

  More laughter and giggling came to her ears from the room next door. Rather than partake of champagne, Daisy headed out to the church to check on the flowers she’d so painstakingly selected and adorned the pews and altar with.

  From the back of the church, she breathed in the scents of polished wood and fresh flowers. All around her, the church was coming to life in preparation for the impending nuptials. The photographer and his assistants were busy setting up cameras and lights. The ancient organ piped in music from somewhere high above the rows and rows of pews. Every pew end was adorned with a cascade of white roses, orchids, stephanotis, and long, wispy strands of variegated ivy, all courtesy of her shop, Highland Floral.

  She scanned the interior of Saint Bartholomew’s Church, Saint Bart’s as it was affectionately called. It was a lovely old church on Park Avenue in Manhattan. Built in 1835, with magnificent bronze doors, barrel-vaulted, stained-glass panels and windows, and the most beautiful bas-reliefs depicting the Old and New Testaments. The perfect setting for Alex and Gray’s wedding.

  A few early guests mingled at the back of the church, waiting to be seated by groomsmen. Daisy frowned at one of the cascades that had come partially detached and hung at an odd angle from a pew end, threatening to fall onto the white aisle runner. As she moved down the aisle, her silk dress made delicate swishing noises. Several of the groomsmen waved to her from the altar, including Cassie’s husband, Mike, and Gray’s brothers, Nick and Jess. All looked incredibly tall and handsome in classic black tuxedos adorned with tiny red rosebud boutonnieres in their breast pockets.

  Leaning down, she put her nose to the flowers, inhaling that wonderful, fresh smell she’d loved since she was a child. Her mother had always made sure there was a vase of pretty flowers in Daisy’s bedroom every day.